Never put the punchline in the title

I used to work at Chuck E. Cheese. The summer before my freshman year of college, I needed money and to get outside of my head from dorm life, so I worked there. For a month. One of the things that made me quit was the salad bar.

As a cashier, I had to clean, port and drain the bar every night if I closed. One night, it was extra-clogged. And I stayed at work for maybe an hour and a half longer than I wanted to. I went back to the dorms that night, went to the convenience store next to my dorm, and my hair messed up and shirt disheveled and stained, I planned to buy two energy drinks - in and out. The girl behind the counter - a cute blonde, maybe a senior - asked me suspiciously, “How are you doing tonight?” Knowing my hips couldn’t lie, I flatly replied: “Shitty.” She busted up laughing and it made me smile. She thanked me for my honesty and I walked out of that convenience store, went back to my room and played GTA San Andreas until the sun came up. That was maybe July 2006. Every month since then, I’ve been to other stores. Subway was one I frequented, as it was embedded in the back of that same market.

I consider myself to be a very polite person, which is a trait I adopted from my friend Ben. He’s always been exceptionally polite. “Pickles, please. And lettuce please. And just a little bit of mayo too, please.” I picked up on this habit from him because the ladies behind the counter were always so goddamned nice to him as they handed over their sandwich art with his receipt. I wasn’t a fan of saying please so much, but I would throw it in every now and again. “And a little bit of chipotle mayo ... please. Thanks.” And just to make sure they knew I was putting in that effort to be super polite, I’d raise my inflection a bit, like I was talking to my academic adviser after making my schedule - “Thank you!” Yeah, I used that same tone with her too. She never seemed to like it, and I never really got why.

It was only a few months ago that I finally realized why these people never laughed at my politeness but why that girl at the market that random night was so amused by my genuine misery. ...Because it was genuine. I don’t give a crap if you flop lettuce on my bread - just cut it well so the bread doesn’t tear. That’s the thing I like. I know I walked in here with my schedule and all you did was authorize it. A four-year-old could do that job (kids are getting progressively more adept with technology at younger ages!), but my adviser was my adviser because she provided me with the counsel I needed when I was dead-exhausted halfway through my senior year. I appreciated that greatly, and I still remember her confused smile when I thanked her for her encouragement.

Through these sandwiches, energy drinks and schedules, I learned a key lesson that seems to be a rallying cry within the business world: Be your authentic self. It’s more fun that way.